Today I realized . . .

. . . How much I really believe I will miss my job at the old hearing center, especially the sweet people I meet and grow to know and love.

. . . How happy little things like new knobs for my drawer can make me.

. . . And how much one new lamp can brighten up my bedside -- and in turn, my entire bedroom. I picked up this new lamp when I went to Hobby Lobby intending to come home with only lace. But when I saw this lonely little blue lamp with a shade covered in French poetry, it called my name and I simply couldn't resist.

And on another note: I was flipping through an old journal tonight (and yes, it was embarrassing) and found this entry from June of 2009:

O God, how many times have I said unto Thee, 'Take my life and let it be, consecrated, Lord, to Thee!' and not meant it? How many times have I sung it or said it unto You to take my life and let it be for Thee, but said in my own heart, 'Don't take my life, for I want to live it for myself'? Have I ever said this and truly meant it?
"Having already said,'Take my life, for I cannot give it to Thee,' let us now say, with deepened conviction, that without Christ we really can do nothing -- 'Keep my life, for I cannot keep it for Thee." (Frances Havergal, Kept For the Master's Use)
 What a freeing thing it is to learn that it does not depend on me! It is Christ, Christ -- all of Him! 

A Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night

O come, all ye faithful, Joyful and triumphant,

O Come ye, O come ye, to Bethlehem.

Come and behold Him, Born the King of angels;

O come, let us adore Him,

O come, let us adore Him,

O come, let us adore Him,

Christ the Lord.

God of God, Light of Light,

Lo! he abhors not the Virgin’s womb;

Very God, Begotten not created.

Sing, choirs of angels, Sing in exultation;

Sing, all ye citizens of heaven above!

Glory to God, In the highest.

Yea, Lord, we greet Thee, Born this happy morning;

Jesu, to Thee be glory given;

Word of the Father, Now in flesh appearing.

--John Francis Wade

Made for Thyself

Made for Thyself, O God!

Made for Thy love, Thy service, Thy delight;

Made to show forth Thy wisdom, grace, and might;

Made for Thy praise, whom veiled archangels laud:

Oh, strange and glorious thought, that we may be

A joy to Thee!

Yet the heart turns away

From this grand destiny of bliss, and deems

'Twas made for its poor self, for passing dreams,

Chasing illusions melting day by day,

Till for ourselves we read on this world's best,

'This is not rest!'

-Frances Ridley Havergal

On growing up

I'm a senior.

I'll be 17 before I know it.

I'm looking at colleges.

When did this happen?! Last time I checked I was 9 and thinking of my college days and imagining that Future Courtney, who would know what to do, where to go, and when to do it, would come and save the day.

 Isn't it funny how, as a child, you always imagine your future self to be -- someone else? As in, not you. But now I wake up to find, I'm still me. (deep, right?) I didn't magically morph into Future Courtney. Although I have been changed since 9 (only by the grace of God), I'm still the same 9-year-old girl (plus a few years) dreaming of those seemingly far-off days when I would grow up, become a woman, and move away from home.

But now that it comes down to it, I don't want to move away from this dear old home-of-mine. Truth be told, I don't want to grow up. Truth be told, I'm scared. Truth be told...I just want to find Peter Pan and Neverland.

Sometimes I forget. I forget that I have no strength in myself. I forget that if left to myself I would never want to grow up and wouldn't be able to bear the responsibilities if I did. Praise be to God I haven't been left to myself. My strength is in Christ and Christ alone. He alone can help me to bear things I don't neccesarily want to bear and the things that I can't. He alone can guide me in the way I should go. I want to be ready to receive HIS will - whatever that may be.

"I am trusting Thee to guide me:

Thou alone shalt lead,

Every day and hour supplying

All my need." 

Frances Ridley Havergal, (Hymn 541).

Lord, I was blind! I could not see

In Thy marred visage any grace;

But now the beauty of Thy face

In radiant vision draws on me.

Lord, I was deaf! I could not hear

The thrilling music of Thy voice;

But now I hear Thee and rejoice,

And all Thine uttered words are dear.

Lord, I was dumb! I could not speak

The grace and glory of Thy Name;

But now, as touched with living flame,

My lips Thine eager praises wake.

Lord, I was dead! I could not stir

My lifeless soul to come to Thee;

But now, since Thou hast quickened me,

I rise from sin's dark sepluchre.

Lord, Thou hast made the blind to see,

The deaf to hear, the dumb to speak,

The dead to live; and lo, I break

The chains of my captivity!
-William Tidd Matson

Well, no snow for us here, unlike some lucky people I know. Just cold, wet, gloomy rain. But we decided to make the best of it anyhow. Kelley and I had a delightful afternoon while she read A Room With a View (which is strangely ironic; it's about two girls temporarily living in Florence, Italy - sound familiar?) out loud and I did some knitting by the fireplace. Oh, and at this rate, I think I might be able to finish my scarf by my 80th birthday.

P.S. I think I have a new favorite (okay, one of my new favorites) hymn, it's number 473, in our hymnal.

Have you heard the voice of Jesus

Softly pleading with your heart?

Have you felt His presence glorious,

As He calls your soul apart,

With a love so true and loyal,

Love divine that ever flows

From a Saviour, righteous, royal, 

And a cross that mercy shows?

Have you heard the voice of mercy

Granting peace and pardon pure?

Have you felt the balm of Calvary

Binding all your wounds secure?

Was there ever such salvation?

Was there ever care like this?

See the Saviour’s grief and passion, 

Grace and mercy’s gentle kiss.

Have you heard the Saviour calling

All to leave and follow Him?

Have you felt His Person drawing

With compulsion lives to win?

Hearken to His invitation,

To the music of God’s grace;

Let the peace of God’s salvation 

Fill your soul, and love embrace.

Glory to the newborn King

It's so easy to get caught up in all the busyness and excitement of Christmas. But it's also for us easy to carelessly say, "Jesus is the reason for the season" and "Keep Christ in Christmas" just because it's the right thing to say as "conservative Christians". But to really and truly say that He is the cause for all of our joy, not only at this time of year, but always, and to mean it and live upon it is a bit more difficult. But doesn't Christ deserve all of our joy, every thought, every action? Doesn't it become so much easier when we choose to do so out of love for Him who first loved us?

"For unto us a child is born; unto us a son is given"; it's because of Christ's humble birth and His death on the cross that we can come before a holy and righteous God, for we are clothed in Christ's spotless righteousness, and say with joy, "I am His and He is mine." I hope that we might never forget the Reason - our "Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace", Jesus Christ - and that we all might be able to sing with joy of the coming of our Savior:

Hark the herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!
Peace on earth and mercy mild
God and sinners reconciled"
Joyful, all ye nations rise
Join the triumph of the skies
With the angelic host proclaim:
"Christ is born in Bethlehem"
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Christ by highest heav'n adored
Christ the everlasting Lord!
Late in time behold Him come
Offspring of a Virgin's womb
Veiled in flesh the Godhead see
Hail the incarnate Deity
Pleased as Man with men to dwell
Jesus, our Emmanuel
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"

Hail the heav'n-born Prince of Peace!
Hail the Son of Righteousness!
Light and life to all He brings
Ris'n with healing in His wings
Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth
Hark! The herald angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King!"