Sunday afternoon musings

One of the most steadfast Crampton traditions is the Sunday afternoon nap. Almost every Sunday without fail, if you're a Crampton, you're either asleep or bound to be as quiet as a mouse by 3 PM.
Today happens to be one of those rare Sunday afternoons when I can't actually fall asleep. So I decided to be productive and pick up my room, listen to a sermon Conrad Mbewe preached a couple of weeks ago at Christ Church, and write on this sadly neglected blog of mine. (I'd give you the link to his sermon, but sadly, our website is being renovated at the moment.)
Lately, life has been consumed by thesis research and writing, moot court prep (the court was a whole lot of fun to this lawyerly-inclined girl, by the way), reading the Aeneid, preparation for graduation, etc. Graduating actually involves more than I thought - pictures for yearbook, pictures for the slideshow, general information for yearbook, making/sending invitations, and more. And all of this requires a bit more time and effort than I had imagined.
But I don't care as long as I graduate. And I plan to.

I know the general senior mindset is: I'm a senior. I'm so cool. Look at those freshmen. Ha, ha. They're freshmen. I can't wait to graduate and get out of this town. I'm so cool.
Yes, I'll admit that I've experienced some of those feelings. Yes, I'm excited about graduating.
As happy as I am to finally finish not only these four years of high school, but twelve years of education. Twelve years. When I actually write it out, it's mind boggling.
We seniors want to get out of here and move on with our lives. It's in the script.

But honestly, I'm gonna miss this.

I'm so thankful for my education. Yes, I've been homsechooled all my life. No, I haven't just sat in my pj's, watched TV, and gotten all A's from my mom. Granted, there have been many pj days. And I loved every one of them. But my education has not been a walk in the park, by any means. And I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful for the challenges, the struggles, and the learning experiences. I'm thankful for Dr. Grant, for Gileskirk, for Aristotle's rhetoric, for Dr. Hill's logic, for Doc Mo's biology, for Mrs. Tate's lit, for Mrs. Rachel's art/music, for Mrs. Culp's speech, and so, so much more!
Dr. Grant has reminded us many times - and rightly so - that education does not end when we graduate high school or college. If we ever think we're truly educated, it's a good indication that our education has never begun.

I plan on taking the next year off; a "gap year," of sorts. Although, this "off" year will not be "off." I don't plan on this being a lazy year while I sit at home on the couch and watch my friends move out and attend various colleges across the country. I plan on working and saving money for next year (of course, finding a job comes first), making a dent in and perhaps completing my fast growing reading list, painting, crafting so many things I've pinned on Pinterest, practicing piano and learning daunting pieces I never would have even glanced at two years ago, soaking in the Word at Christ Church, and doing so many other things I probably won't have the chance to do at any other point in my life.
This hasn't been an easy decision and it certainly was not my first choice. However, I believe this is where God would have me for now and I have no idea what doors may be opened this coming year.

Thy will, not mine, be done.

Trolley Wood

On very short notice, my sweet sister was willing to shoot some senior pictures for me. We woke up bright and early Thursday morning (after staying up until 2:30 the night...um, morning...before), she grabbed her camera and we drove to a pretty field I had hoped to get some good pictures in. There was only one problem. The sun was nowhere to be found. (This is actually a serious dilemma for a photographer. Lighting is key, guys.) We didn't let that put a damper on our little adventure, however. I turned the car around and we chased the sun. No, really. That was plan B. I drove on down Old 78, until we pulled over on a little county road to find a darling field full of sunshine. Okay, so it wasn't full of sunshine. It was slightly overcast, but still lovely and sunny enough for us. It turned out to be a Trolley Wood kind of day.

Here are a few of our favorites:

I couldn't let my beautiful photographer stay behind the camera all day.

Most of the fun was actually had afterward. The rest of the day was spent in shorts and t-shirts, in the hammock, and on the frisbee field. It was definitely one of my most favorite days.

 We're so dysfunctional.

On that note, Happy Tuesday!

A Bend in the Road

A blank page. I don't know where to begin. It's been so long since I've written - I mean, really written. I'm almost scared.

There are so many things I want to write. But I don't even know how to start.

These past few months have been filled with so much uncertainty. If I had a dime for every time I've been asked what I want to do with my life, I'd be rich. . .in dimes. But rich, nonetheless. The answer is: I don't know. Honestly, I have no idea.  Some people figure this out in their freshman year, some in their sophomore year, some practically since birth. Well, not this girl.

In Matthew 6:27, Christ asks us, "Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?" Worrying about tomorrow will not make tomorrow any better.

For me, I like to figure out what I'm doing and have a plan - in the little things, in the big things. Katie and I joke that she's the spontaneous one who lives by the seat of her pants and I'm the one who with an agenda and a plan. (AKA, the boring one.) My life does not go perfectly according to plan. Trust me. I'm learning to surrender my life, my plan, wholly to the Lord, who has a far better plan, though I may not always understand it.

I do not know what lies around the next Bend in the Road.
I do know that I would like to go to college, to further my learning, and to learn to be (relatively) on my own. Although, I'm not the kind of person who jumps at the chance to leave home. This home and family and all that goes with it are so dear to me. I can't leave them without decided hesitation.
I do not want to have anything to do with silly sorority fickleness, frat fiats, cold cinder block dorm-life, college parties, or God-less teaching.
That's exactly what has led me to New College Franklin, a tiny, brand new, classical Christian college in beautiful downtown Franklin, Tennessee. (That, and the fact that my brother goes to school there.) There I would read and discuss the classics, learn music theory, study Greek and Hebrew (something I never thought I would want to do), think through moral philosophy, and delve into the Scriptures. There are no dorms, but students live with church families who rent out spare bedrooms. This is not only a college begun solely for the glory of God (in deed, not in word only), but it's a community. I guarantee you it's unique to just about every college or university out there; hardly anyone has heard of it and there are about 20 students in the whole school right now. Total. You might be wrinkling your nose at the number of people and wondering why on earth I would want to go to such a place for college.

But this is something I've had to think and pray about. Going to New College is not something people will understand and they probably won't ever have heard of it. My friends won't "get it." I've had to ask myself, why are you going to college? Am I going so people will "get" me? Am I going so that others will approve of me? Am I going so I can make lots of new friends? If this is why I want to college, I might as well stay at home.
If I'm going to college for the right reason, I go for the glory of God, to grow in Him, to love Him more, and to grow in my understanding of His Word (and what better way to do that than read the Bible in its original languages?) Don't get me wrong, one can still learn to love God more at a non-Christian college. God is present with those who love Him everywhere, at Christian colleges and state universities alike. But I think I can best accomplish these things at a place like New College, without so many hindrances, where the glory of God is all-important.

If all my New College plans never come to fruition or they just don't work out, it doesn't matter. God is still God. He reigns whether I know what I'm doing with my life or not. God has been teaching me to surrender, to make His will mine, to leave my life utterly in His hands. Who better to hold it than the God of all the world?

Mrs. Allan once told Anne in Anne of Avonlea, "Well, I should like to see you go to college, Anne; but if you never do, don't be discontented about it. We make our own lives wherever we are, after all. . . college can only help us do it more easily. They [the bends in the road] are broad and narrow according to what we put into them, not what we get out. Life is rich and full. . .here. . .everywhere. . .if only we can learn to open our whole hearts to its richness and fullness."

I almost want to include the whole first chapter of Frances Ridley Havergal's book Kept for Jesus, but I'll just quote this part:

"For we both may and must
Commit our very faith to Him,
Entrust to Him our trust.

What a long time it takes us to come down to the conviction, and still more to the realization, of
the fact that without Him we can do nothing, but that He must work all our works in us! This is
the work of God that ye believe in Him whom He has sent. And no less must it be the work of
God that we go on believing, and that we go on trusting. Then, dear friends, who are longing to
trust Him with unbroken and unwavering trust, cease the effort and drop the burden, and now
entrust your trust to Him! He is just as well able to keep that as any other part of the complex
lives which we want Him to take and keep for Himself. And oh, do not pass on content with the
thought, “Yes, that is a good idea; perhaps I should find that a great help!” But, now, then, do it.
It is no help to the sailor to see a flash of light across a dark sea, if he does not instantly steer
accordingly."

I do not know what the next year holds, I can't see around the next Bend in the Road, but I'm trusting He who does and who will reveal it in His good and perfect time.

On growing up

I'm a senior.

I'll be 17 before I know it.

I'm looking at colleges.

When did this happen?! Last time I checked I was 9 and thinking of my college days and imagining that Future Courtney, who would know what to do, where to go, and when to do it, would come and save the day.

 Isn't it funny how, as a child, you always imagine your future self to be -- someone else? As in, not you. But now I wake up to find, I'm still me. (deep, right?) I didn't magically morph into Future Courtney. Although I have been changed since 9 (only by the grace of God), I'm still the same 9-year-old girl (plus a few years) dreaming of those seemingly far-off days when I would grow up, become a woman, and move away from home.

But now that it comes down to it, I don't want to move away from this dear old home-of-mine. Truth be told, I don't want to grow up. Truth be told, I'm scared. Truth be told...I just want to find Peter Pan and Neverland.

Sometimes I forget. I forget that I have no strength in myself. I forget that if left to myself I would never want to grow up and wouldn't be able to bear the responsibilities if I did. Praise be to God I haven't been left to myself. My strength is in Christ and Christ alone. He alone can help me to bear things I don't neccesarily want to bear and the things that I can't. He alone can guide me in the way I should go. I want to be ready to receive HIS will - whatever that may be.

"I am trusting Thee to guide me:

Thou alone shalt lead,

Every day and hour supplying

All my need." 

Frances Ridley Havergal, (Hymn 541).