A Bend in the Road

A blank page. I don't know where to begin. It's been so long since I've written - I mean, really written. I'm almost scared.

There are so many things I want to write. But I don't even know how to start.

These past few months have been filled with so much uncertainty. If I had a dime for every time I've been asked what I want to do with my life, I'd be rich. . .in dimes. But rich, nonetheless. The answer is: I don't know. Honestly, I have no idea.  Some people figure this out in their freshman year, some in their sophomore year, some practically since birth. Well, not this girl.

In Matthew 6:27, Christ asks us, "Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?" Worrying about tomorrow will not make tomorrow any better.

For me, I like to figure out what I'm doing and have a plan - in the little things, in the big things. Katie and I joke that she's the spontaneous one who lives by the seat of her pants and I'm the one who with an agenda and a plan. (AKA, the boring one.) My life does not go perfectly according to plan. Trust me. I'm learning to surrender my life, my plan, wholly to the Lord, who has a far better plan, though I may not always understand it.

I do not know what lies around the next Bend in the Road.
I do know that I would like to go to college, to further my learning, and to learn to be (relatively) on my own. Although, I'm not the kind of person who jumps at the chance to leave home. This home and family and all that goes with it are so dear to me. I can't leave them without decided hesitation.
I do not want to have anything to do with silly sorority fickleness, frat fiats, cold cinder block dorm-life, college parties, or God-less teaching.
That's exactly what has led me to New College Franklin, a tiny, brand new, classical Christian college in beautiful downtown Franklin, Tennessee. (That, and the fact that my brother goes to school there.) There I would read and discuss the classics, learn music theory, study Greek and Hebrew (something I never thought I would want to do), think through moral philosophy, and delve into the Scriptures. There are no dorms, but students live with church families who rent out spare bedrooms. This is not only a college begun solely for the glory of God (in deed, not in word only), but it's a community. I guarantee you it's unique to just about every college or university out there; hardly anyone has heard of it and there are about 20 students in the whole school right now. Total. You might be wrinkling your nose at the number of people and wondering why on earth I would want to go to such a place for college.

But this is something I've had to think and pray about. Going to New College is not something people will understand and they probably won't ever have heard of it. My friends won't "get it." I've had to ask myself, why are you going to college? Am I going so people will "get" me? Am I going so that others will approve of me? Am I going so I can make lots of new friends? If this is why I want to college, I might as well stay at home.
If I'm going to college for the right reason, I go for the glory of God, to grow in Him, to love Him more, and to grow in my understanding of His Word (and what better way to do that than read the Bible in its original languages?) Don't get me wrong, one can still learn to love God more at a non-Christian college. God is present with those who love Him everywhere, at Christian colleges and state universities alike. But I think I can best accomplish these things at a place like New College, without so many hindrances, where the glory of God is all-important.

If all my New College plans never come to fruition or they just don't work out, it doesn't matter. God is still God. He reigns whether I know what I'm doing with my life or not. God has been teaching me to surrender, to make His will mine, to leave my life utterly in His hands. Who better to hold it than the God of all the world?

Mrs. Allan once told Anne in Anne of Avonlea, "Well, I should like to see you go to college, Anne; but if you never do, don't be discontented about it. We make our own lives wherever we are, after all. . . college can only help us do it more easily. They [the bends in the road] are broad and narrow according to what we put into them, not what we get out. Life is rich and full. . .here. . .everywhere. . .if only we can learn to open our whole hearts to its richness and fullness."

I almost want to include the whole first chapter of Frances Ridley Havergal's book Kept for Jesus, but I'll just quote this part:

"For we both may and must
Commit our very faith to Him,
Entrust to Him our trust.

What a long time it takes us to come down to the conviction, and still more to the realization, of
the fact that without Him we can do nothing, but that He must work all our works in us! This is
the work of God that ye believe in Him whom He has sent. And no less must it be the work of
God that we go on believing, and that we go on trusting. Then, dear friends, who are longing to
trust Him with unbroken and unwavering trust, cease the effort and drop the burden, and now
entrust your trust to Him! He is just as well able to keep that as any other part of the complex
lives which we want Him to take and keep for Himself. And oh, do not pass on content with the
thought, “Yes, that is a good idea; perhaps I should find that a great help!” But, now, then, do it.
It is no help to the sailor to see a flash of light across a dark sea, if he does not instantly steer
accordingly."

I do not know what the next year holds, I can't see around the next Bend in the Road, but I'm trusting He who does and who will reveal it in His good and perfect time.